(Please note that all file titles with dates--e.g. "Sta-Sta 4-01"--refer to the date the article was written.  Publication could be anywhere from weeks to months later.)

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About Manor's Mat Musings (and Power Slam)

About Stately States (and other Wrestling World features)

About On Manor's Mind (and Brutarian)

About Manor On Movies

Back before punk became a mall clothing style, there were no zines--at least no products called that.  With the punk/new wave explosion came a tidal wave of DIY literature reflecting the energy and general tude of the scene.  Some called them underground, others preferred alternative, this being a period when that term actually lived up to itself.

Well, I'm not about to go into a The Evolution Of Zines treatise here nor a syrupy nostalgia fest.  To get right to the point, zine publishers were open to coverage of anything as long as it bucked mainstream standards.  Not content to join the legions writing record reviews, I approached the publishers of Philly-based Flight 90 with the remarkable opportunity to be the first to carry the revolutionary Manor On Movies.  A fortnight later, M-O-M debuted; and the rest is history.

I know that sounds cliché, but I mean it literally.  So overwhelmed was the Smithsonian by the remarkable perceptiveness, they sealed copies of the first three columns in a time capsule to be opened in the year 2178.  Perfect timing, actually.  By then they'll be Stately statues on every other street corner.

With the addition of M-O-M to Flight 90 and, a bit later, Beat Fete, professional quality writing finally arrived on the alternative magazine scene.  Thereafter, zines (and cyberzines) became a Really Big Deal, their numbers totaling in the thousands.  Only a complete imbecile would fail to draw the obvious conclusion.  And to think the Big Bang of the zine universe was a single-page review of The Creeping Terror.  A lesser person would be humbled.

Having planted the seed, I took Manor On Movies out of circulation for a mere decade.  Then, like all heavyweight champions, M-O-M made a roaring comeback, returning in the mid-Nineties to its home," as it were.  And with its re-emergence comes yet another Stately innovation, the freeware column.

That's right, in honor of myself, I am magnanimously offering every zine editor a chance to participate in the syndication of ManOMov at virtually no expense.  Here are my terms:  (1) Inform me you're carrying the column; (2) If it's a print zine, send me a copy; (3) If you don't pay your staff, that's okay.  If you do, gimme some.  Fair enough?

About On Manor's Mind (and Brutarian)

If you think most zines are stapled-together affairs DESPERATELY in need of a first-rate copy editor...well, frankly, you are correct.  There are, Im pleased to say, some notable exceptions, well-researched, -illustrated and -written journals that reflect the publisher's earnest concern for producing the best tight budgets will allow.  I will refrain from naming any of 'em because I have far too much integrity to shill.  At least, without the traditional Deposit To Stately's Bank Account ceremony first taking place.

One gentleman, who has the good taste to not only publish yet another of my columns but also to include fiscal rewards for it, is dom salemi, the mastermind behind Brutarian.  Want to read another account of a live show in an area sweatbox, headlined by an indie band you never heard of?  Readers' haiku?  Tips on the coming fashion trends?  Gen-X takes on life sucking?  Diatribes on how the Big Government is oppressing the proletariat?  An interview with an Oasis member?  Movie reviews loaded with catchy phrases the studios will hopefully quote in print ads?

Fuhgeddaboutit!

Brutarian takes great pride in living down to its motto, “The Magazine That Dares To Be Lame.”  While the lesser zines were ass-kissing some runt guitarist or a film “auteur” producing glorified home movies, Brutarian was hanging out with porn goddess Christy Canyon, possessor of a butt you wouldn't mind nearing your face.  While they drooled over Japanimation, coffee shops, geek festivals and anyone who ever spent four hours in Seattle, we had John Wayne Gacy explain how he was framed.  Instead of wasting pages on patronizing letters from know-it-all readers, Brut takes you beer-drinking with Southern Culture On The Skids and Nashville Pussy.

Brutarian is for people who would rather toss a grenade at the Real World chumps than get their autographs; phone Comic Relief--not to pledge, but to tell Whoopi shes ugly; and can be equally comfortable in a library and an IHRA Pro Modified drag racing showdown.  (At least that's my take on it.  But what the hell do I know?  I only write for them.)

What I like best about Brutarian--besides my presence--is the steadfast refusal to pander to readership.  Theres no dumbing-down for the sake of reaching a broader audience, no opinions tainted by the writer's concern for his “hipster” image.  Polsyllabics abound.  Reviewers aren't afraid to rave about a Donovan album.  Brut encourages--gasp!--book-reading.  It also...

...actually, all that WAS true.  Things took a major downturn circa 2003, with SWM and Brutarian parting company--which, of course, means you should n-e-v-e-r buy a copy dated at that point or later.

About Stately States (and other Wrestling World features)

Wrestling World is the longest-running grappling magazine on the stands today...and I am unequivocally its star.  Well before IBM, ahem, “coincidentally” came up with a  similar tag line for an ad campaign, yours untruly informed Manormaniacs “I didn't invent the pro-villain column; I perfected it.

In the history of the written word, no other writer, irrespective of subject, has commanded the wit, courage and insight of the Best Friend Of The Rule Bend.  Centuries from now when hacks such as Milton, Thoreau and Shakespeare are long forgotten, scholars everywhere will be congregating in their towns Stately Squares to gleefully quote Manorisms to the enthralled throngs.  And well they should be.  Keats didnt know a Boston crab from a London broil.  And did Chaucer ever come up with a line like "Rick Steiner is so dumb, he thinks Saran Wrap is a new musical style”?

As its name suggests, WW is sold worldwide, and, as far as I'm concerned, should replace that dumb ol' Gideons Bible in hotel drawers everywhere.  (At least WW gets read!)  Because of the inclusion of “Stately States”, Wrestling World sells out its million-copy press run immediately.  Back issues are hoarded by collectors and exchanged for prices you couldn't possibly afford.  Out of the badness of my heart, however, I've supplied text versions of the original manuscripts from the last couple of years.  

[Webmasters' note:  This text was written before WW went on a "temporary" hiatus--which appears permanent--after an ill-advised change of editors.  Says Stately, "The double-crossing nincumpoop did not publish my last Stately States, and that issue was so 'well-received,' they  haven't put out another one.  Connect the dots."  Said column is posted here in the Wrestling Wrelated area.]

About Manor's Mat Musings and Flips, Whips, Snips & Quips (and Power Slam)

In the mid-Nineties, British publisher Findlay Martin--in a rare moment of sobriety--begged Mr. Manor to join his staff of deservedly unknowns in order for the Sultan Of Insultin' to pen a custom column the poorly educated Britons might understand.  And so “Manors Mat Musings” (later evolving into Flips, Whips, Snips & Quips) came into being.  Although the move made UK staffers Rob Butcher, John “No Red Dwarf Jokes, Please” Lister and the late Ian Robinson very jealous, it also made Martin a millionaire.  Well, that and severely short-changing Inland Revenue for the past five years.

Martin's cash cow is in no way related to the publishers of Wrestling World; i.e., I am the only columnist in the bonebending biz employed by unaffiliated newsstand journals on two separate continents.  Isn't that impressive?  But wait, there's more.  The fact that I write a piece specifically for each--as opposed to one column duplicated--means I'm one of the very rare few in any field to do the deed...and, by far, the most attractive.

It goes without saying, Power Slam is the top European magazine of its kind.  Unfortunately, the Brits have some absurd notion they invented the English language and, thus, Mr. Martin has on occasion had the scandalous inclination to actually change or delete certain words and phrases in the Manor manuscripts.  (Proof positive champagne alters sensibilities for the worse.)  Attached is a batch of the unaltered Statelys for comparison.

What's that?  You've wisely chosen not to be born in the UK?  Well, Fin didn't acquire that Lear jet due to lack of business acumen.  He offers “foreign” subscriptions to his all-color, all-glossy-pages work of art.  E-mail him at finmart@globalnet.co.uk for the particulars.  If you're a serious wrestling fan, I promise you'll be (pleasantly) stunned by the difference between how PS and the US mags cover the events and stars.  If it sucks, they say so.