Now that we're firmly entrenched in the "New Millennium"--like that makes any difference--I've decided it's about time someone corrected all those eggheads and blowhards who analyzed the Nineties and got it wrong (i.e., didn't agree with me).  Believe it or blow me a kiss, there are actually some people who will  make public statements without first seeking my approval!  And one of the themes most often approached in this foolish manner focused on defining what was the breakout industry, product, whatever of the decade just past.

I, of course, know the indisputable answer.

The capitalists out there may cite the U.S. economic growth and prosperity.  They would be insular numskulls.  Besides all the obvious reasons the dollar deal falls flat, you've got to ask yourself one question:  Do I feel wealthy?  Well, do you, punk?  Same here.  Don't show me the money, hand it over.

What about them newfangled computer thingees?  There's no doubting the monumental impact the Intel Cartel has had.  Nonetheless, the PC wildfire wasn't really touched off until the release of Windows 95; and the industry's bastard son, the Internet, is an ever more recent mainstream phenomenon. Therefore, while motherboard mania undeniably grew monstrous, it didn't mean diddly the entire first half of the decade.

Nah, I'll tell you what boomed biggest in the Nineties--whores.  I don't mean that euphemistically, as in "media whores." I'm referring to brazen jezebels, bless their beloved booties.

Professor Manor traces the Bimbo Boom to the Eighties' premier product, home videotape equipment.  Twas during the tail end of that decade "amateur porn" went from a nudge-wink underground hobby to an, um, full-blown cottage industry.  The semi-acceptability of same and emerging star status of pro smut performers tore many puritanical taboos to bits.  And once staid society removed the scarlet letter stigma, Ho Lib went into overdrive.  About smeggin' time, too.

Pre-Nineties, something like the Pamela Anderson-Tommy Lee tape would have been a double career killer.  Instead, it became a best-seller, available for public perusal in the same establishments that carry Fantasia.  When the WWF can introduce a pimp character imploring "everybody to climb aboard the Ho Train," and he's wildly cheered as a good guy, you know Shameless Strumpet Chic is fully upon us.  I'm half-expecting Mattel to announce the imminent release of Nympho Barbie (with bendable knees, no doubt.)

As an exhibitionist and lecher, I doubly cheer the legion of fellow unabashed show-offs who brought about the Bimbo Boom.  And "legion" is no exaggeration.

In the pre-Boom days, the head count on hardcore hokey-pokiers was in the hundreds, the vast majority of whom did one-off layouts for magazines only sold in a handful of joints within a tiny zoned district on the perimeter of urban areas.  Through the Nineties, the Dirty Debutante vid series alone showcased more shaggers than the latter total.  Go online, and you can find said sum squared...and that's just "teenagers" listings at the free sites!  Add up all media, and we're ready for the Million Tramp March!!  Mind you, that's just willing-to-pose hos--only a fraction of the full floozy tally!!!  Hey, look, a series of exclamation points!!!!

If the post-WWI era came to be known as "The Roaring Twenties," then SWManor officially declares our preceding decade "The Whoring Nineties."  Sure beat the hell out of "The Anal Eighties."  Viva, la vixens!

Arguably the most annoying of the boom products is the cellular phone, a device apparently designed to encourage dangerous drivers and rude diners to loudly exchange inconsequential nitwit blather that somehow wasn't "important" until telecoms invented $29 a month calling plans.  But, I, being of superior mind and body, have come up with a reason to actually obtain one of the portable pesterers--and I owe the idea to Univision's Lente Loco.

Manormaniacs who've read my droolings over unequaled goddess Sofia Vergara know (a) I watch U-Vision regularly and (b) I comprende about 200 words of Espanol.  Lente Loco is sort of a Spanish-language "Extreme Candid Camera," and, being so visual, is very easy for us Hispanically-challenged to enjoy--especially when you get an eyeful of breathtaking cohost Odalys Garcia, the absolute personification of "amazon," in all the best senses.

Lente Loco hostess Odalys Garcia, fore...

Loco frequently pulls stunts that sissy American networks would never have the Spaldings to even consider.  One of my favorites easily exemplifies this claim:  A ringer test drives a used car to an appointed location, parks it and steps away a couple dozen yards to haggle with the owner--then a Lente confederate "accidentally" crushes the vehicle with heavy construction machinery as the onlooking seller goes insane.  Is that a cool stunt or what?!?

My cell phone epiphany came after watching an episode where a Loco actor appeared to be yapping into his instrument about people he was following down a sidewalk--all comments completely within earshot of the victim, of course.  Whether that's what was really going on is inconsequential--the concept is sheer brilliance.  And Mr. Manor urges you to make it brillianter.

First off, it shouldn't be too difficult to pick up a NON-actived cell for, at the max, a double-sawbuck.  But what a small price to pay for all the sadistic enjoyment the device promises.

With a little imagination, you'll soon discover there are more possibilities here than colors in a Skittles ad.  I'll give you a few "starter" scenarios.  After that, you're on your own.

"Sir, I believe I've spotted the suspect.  Did you say he's (detailed description of the mark)?  That's him, all right.  Have the anesthesia team and copter crew on full alert--and remember, this is a Code Red extraction:  no witnesses, no bodies."

That'll get 'em paranoid; now, let's go for pissed.  "I kid you not, the scuzzball I'm following has gotta be the biggest loo-o-o-o-o-oser in town....Looks cro-magnum; and that smell, phwoo.  Somebody obviously said nope to soap....I don't know, I'm guessing either military deserter or child molester.  Prob'ly on his way to hang out at the airport men's room right now....Hmm?  Nah, he appears far too stupid for that."

Care to scare?  Adopt a trailer trash twang, enter a crowded elevator, and lay down "Listen, Jeb, I chopped her corpse up real good and put it in the trunk.  I say we cook part of it and dump the rest by the lake like usual."

Or how about this romantic chatter?  "Joey, get the camera warmed up, I think I've discovered our next starlet!...Yeah, right in front of me in (describe target's clothing)....Oh, I'd say about 36-C.  They look natural, too....Mmmm, that's fine as wine, brother.  And she really knows how to shake it when she walks....I'm telling you, she be PERFECT for the Double-Stuffed Gangbang series."

That one might earn you a face slap; but then again, the tomato may be among the legion of spirirted sluts detailed above!

HUBBA HUBBA HONEYS:  In the spirit of this issues MMM, I proudly bestow Honeydom status upon the untold horde of whores performing the pubic polka for the public's pleasure.  I'm not citing full-time pro porn floozies groin-grinding for big gold and glory; I'm referring to the countless daring darlings courageous and salacious enough to be captured on camera more for kicks than as a career move--and right out there for us to grin at gratis.

With its combination of boffing babes and blasphemy, www.acidpope.com is Stately's favorite free skin site.  So, go there pronto and randomly linkify.  Note that the wanton wenches are not making a cent off your ogling; and with all but a distinct minority toiling in anonymity, the stuffed strumpets don't even get an ego trip out their efforts.

Doing something without fortune and/or fame as an end product?  Your King Of Conceit breaks out in a rash just thinking about such a prospect!

As oft noted, the Hubba segment is devoted to honoring lesser-knowns who deserve far greater acclaim from the ignorant masses.  Well, when you consider these girls as a unit are changing the very social fabric of the free world, and they're not merely obscure, they're unidentified, that makes them the ultimate Honeys, now dunnit?